There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Did you pee in the oven last night??
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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