I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I looked at my own cervix.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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