Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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