i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
