I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
