Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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