Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
