either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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