Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
