We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
