I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
