Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
it's like heaven, but drunker
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
