i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
