well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Less talking, more tequila
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
