ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
