So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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