my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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