I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
