that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
