Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
