They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
