She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
