walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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