apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
