I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
