If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
