I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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