Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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