Define "chronic" masturbator.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
