I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
