Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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