omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
someone owes me an orgasm
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I just blew my weed a kiss
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Randomize
