It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
