where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
