After last night, I could never be a politician.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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