How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
