So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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