Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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