I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
