In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
