I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
