I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
