Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Randomize
