The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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