I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
