areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I am naked and annoyed.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
