Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
