PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
You ate ashes out of my bong
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
