dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
