Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
