I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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