Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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